Wednesday, January 16, 2008

When I Look Back on My Journey...................

Wow, I didn't think I would ever right in this blog again. All my thoughts that I have had, my mind full of things and I couldn't put it into words. This past year, gone by so fast, but while living in it, felt like it would never end. 2007, what can I say, a year full of many experiences, some I wish I could just forget or even change. But, without life experiences, we would never be able to grow and become stronger from our daily lessons. It is weird how you can look back and see all that you have gone through, but when you are in the mist of something, you can't even see the light at the end of the tunnel, you can't even imagine that it can get better, you feel like there is a really dark cloud over you, blinding you and there is no answer. No one can help you not even God.

Well, that right there, is wrong. God can help you, sometimes, he is the only one that can get you out of those types of feelings, of situations, but I guess unless you go to him wholeheartedly, you won't get out of it.

I wanted to look back on my Journey of 2007, one that brought me to a new place, a new venture in my life and one that ended with me feeling more empty than I thought I could ever feel.

I started the new year with a job, Catering Partners. I had so many things to look forward to, so many promises were given to me, I thought in a years time I would be financially set to do anything Lina and I wanted to do. I learned now, never take the promises of man, only rely on the promises of God, man will almost always disappoint you, but God will never leave you alone.

We were searching for a home to call our own, so many things were going our way. I felt like I was on cloud nine and with so many houses to choose from, it was kind of stressful, but in a good way, we had a chance to be patient and just find what we wanted. We finally decided on a house, after seeing 100 houses. That is no exaggeration, my realtor made sure I knew it was that much.

After settling in the home and me focusing on my job, things started to change really quick. I felt a sense of stress building up with my bosses. It was like night and day. Their attitudes changed toward everything, I was given assignments that they even knew there was no way I could finish them in the allotted time given. They started giving me projects, expecting me to finish them, when I was never trained to do such projects, they expected me to fix problems that they couldn't fix for years and expected me to do miracles and get it done in days. When I would address this with them, I was reminded numerous times that how much my salary was and how much my health insurance was. I was given tasks that not even a group of five could finish in a week.

I would go to God each and every day asking him to help me, to help me do what is needed of me, but it kept getting overwhelming. They expected more and more and just added things on, and would want an answer that day, when I was still working on the other many things I was given. I started to realize that something was wrong, that a change needed to be made. I addressed again my situation and they promised a change and they agreed it was unfair. Things never changed and only got worse, I knew that I needed to stay there because I brought my family from NY to live in FL and we didn't have any other source of income. Well, I didn't even have a chance to do anything about that, I became ill with a 103 fever for 7 days straight, and on the seventh day, I had 105 fever at 3 am. Lina took me to the Doctor, all along leaving the bosses messages that I was very ill and had to be seen. After my visit and the Dr indicating I had a upper respiratory infection, and getting home to receive an email that I was fired because I was not focused and allowed my family, my weekends, my church to get in the way of what they wanted or expected from me. I couldn't believe it, what was I going to do now. But one good thing out of that was that after a few days, and maybe taking the medicine for a day, my fevers were gone, never to come back again. Was it God that intervened and had to do something to get me out of there, he knew that if I quit, that I would be worse off, so by letting them fire me, I was in a better situation, even though I didn't think so.

Well, God knows why he does what he does, and after that incident, I was able to collect unemployment from NY. I had enough credits that I could collect for at least 6 months. What a Blessing, it was not what I wanted, but it kept us afloat with our bills.

God opened up another door and Lina landed a job as a Social Worker in the local Hospital. That was a big step for us, because now I could focus on landing a job of my own. Well that journey took me from training as a school bus operator to working a few months in the post office. An experience that truly amazed me and taught me a valid lesson, be careful what you pray for and what you ask God for. It was a job that I quickly realized wasn't for me.

I found myself depressed, out of work and not knowing why I had to endure this situation in my life now. When all I do is follow after God and do as I feel he wants me to do. But I know that this new year 2008, brings much promise. I look at it as a new start with God. A way for me to get even closer to him and allow him to move in my life.

Sometimes, God does things for a reason, when he sees that you are becoming ill, or your family life is suffering or your walk with him is struggling, he does things to shake up your life, he may want you to leave a job because he knows that if you stay there, your life will suffer, that he won't be able to use you as he wants to, so we must trust that he is working behind the scenes in every situation that we face. And facing it, knowing and understanding that it will be hard to be patient, but if we hang in there, hang on to his word, the end result will be a bigger blessing than we could have ever imagined.

I took a few verses from a song sang by Calvin Hunt. It is from his new album "Bridges". The first part just speaks volumes to what I have gone through this past year, here it is:

When I look back on my journey,
and everything that I've been through.

With every lesson I have learned,
and every twist and every turn,
I stand amazed.

I've been tested by the fire,
and I made it through some raging storms.

I lived enough to know,
I would have never made it on my own.

No Longer I who live,
but Jesus living in me.

I thank God for putting me through trials and tribulations, because each and every time I have come through it with a sense of peace and just offer God all the praise. I know that he is behind the scenes in my current situation and I also know that when he is ready, he will pour such a blessing on my life that my praises to him will be all so worth it. We have to praise him in the good times and the bad times, this way when we face a trial in our lives, it won't be that hard to deal with. Sometimes we just lose site of the cross, but we have to remain focused and he will help us to ride out the storm. I have to remember that he never gives us too much that we can't handle, he is always there and will always provide.

Thank You Lord for just giving me hope and just speaking to my heart when I am faced with a situation that I do not see any end to it. I know you are there and I know you will never leave my side. I Love you Lord.