God Forgives Mistakes - Part 2

I wanted to piggy back on the entry I wrote "God Forgives Mistakes" the other day.

I wanted to hit on both angles but at the same time I didn't want to be insensitive to the outcome of the actions or the decisions that people make. No one is perfect and no one should be judged for the decisions they make. I just wanted to point out that if we go to God with all our issues, he will forgive and help us to move on, but no relationship is perfect and not every relationship will be able to withstand a cheating spouse. That is just the human nature that we have within. I understand that some women just will not be able to forgive that easily. I do know of woman that have been cheated on and chose to go on with their lives. That should never be looked upon as a bad thing.

In my entry I basically touched on two aspects. Even though they might have been on a man's point of view, I do understand the woman's side. Forgiveness is very difficult especially when you have been hurt. It is very easy to ask for forgiveness, but extremely difficult to forgive. Trust comes into play and having to trust that the hurt will never happen again is a hard thing to do. But I also wanted to touch on the fact that there are things out there that some men find it very hard stand up against it. Many men fall prey to it, and it can be in many areas, but to me there is only one way to fight it and it is God, he is the only one that can help us stand up against anything that comes in the way of living the right way and not hurting our mates.

It isn't easy and I never thought it was. I have seen the devastation and consequences first hand that has led to the end of marriages and the hurt that it caused the children. But the point I wanted to make was that, as a woman, God restores their hearts and can restore their mariages. But both parties have to want it. The man has to go to God and totally ask for forgiveness and totally change. He can not hold onto what caused him to fall in the first place, be it through hanging at a bar, hanging with single friends or even drinking. He needs to totally take it out of his life for a full recovery and only when he is strong enough can he revisit those areas. Only when he can stand up against it and not be tempted would he be ready the face the world again.

If the two are willing to work it out, then no one can come in between them and no one is allowed to judge. When the two were joined together in marriage before God, it was with the understanding that there will be hard times as well as good times. But no woman should have to put up with a cheating man that will not change. That should never be tolerated and even God will not allow it. But just like the words in the song "Love Worth Fighting For", You Lock the Door behind you, throw away the key and you work it out together. That should be the only way.

Love Worth Fighting For

Love is not a place
to come and go as we please
It's a house we enter in
then commit to never leave

So lock the door behind you
Throw away the key
Work it out together
Let it bring us to our knees

Love is a shelter
in a raging storm
Love is peace
in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave;
May God send angels to guard the door
No, Love is not a fight
but its something worth fighting for

To some love is a word
that they can fall into.
But when they're falling out
keeping that word is hard to do

Love is a shelter
in a raging storm
Love is peace
in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave;
May God send angels to guard the door
No, Love is not a fight
but its something worth fighting for

Love will come to save us
If we'll only call
He will ask nothing from us
but demand we give our all

Love is a shelter
in a raging storm
Love is peace
in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave;
May God send angels to guard the door
No, Love is not a fight
but its something worth fighting for.

Cause I Will Fight For You
Would You Fight For Me
It's Worth Fighting For.

By Warren Barfield

My Passion, My Life

My goal with my blog is to write to inspire. To inspire others to go after what they believe is for their lives but to know that if you put God first in everything you do, what you desire for your life will be manifested greater than you could have ever imagined.

I hope to follow after my passion, which is to write, be it stories, possibly articles or maybe even a book. Only God knows if these will ever come to pass but I believe in myself and I believe if I follow after my dreams, the sky is the limit. We must all live with a purpose and if we never go after what we feel will enlighten our lives, then we are just living for other people's enjoyment and passion.

I hope that what I share in my blog opens up questions and discussions. I never mean to offend anyone nor do I mean to say that my point is the absolute. I have an open mind and I am open to constructive criticism. All I ask is that if you want to leave a comment that you are respectful to others that have left one before you and that you try and understand both sides. That is what makes for a meaningful conversation.

God Forgives Mistakes

I recently had a conversation with a classmate, in which she shared that her fiancé cheated on her. She was devastated and couldn’t understand how it could be, since they both attend church together and their families are very close, how could he do such a thing.

I look at this scenario and I think, now what type of advice will people give her, will it be one that basically kills the relationship all together or one that helps to try and strengthen what was taken away and a way to work to rebuild it.

As Christians we are held to a higher standard, we aren’t allowed to make mistakes, nor even think of embracing a sin. But what people, non-Christian, and also Christians, do not understand is that men, are tempted beyond belief. The devil knows that if he wants to wreck a home, start with the man of the house. Now I am not condoning the mistakes that men make that lead to the failures of their families, but I do want to shed some light on the actions of men and how if we throw these men out, as we say in NY “If we KICK them to the curb”, what we are showing them. We are not showing the compassion that God shows us when we fail, and we all do. Who are we to judge those that fall off their path with God? Are we any better than they are? Does it matter the type of sin we commit? Because one person cheats on his mate and another one lies to his brother, is one held at a higher standard?

But what men also do not understand, is as we lie and try to get away with a sin, we are slowing fading in deeper.

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
Lyrics by Casting Crowns, “Slow Fade”.

Wow, strong lyrics, “People never crumble in a day”, is so true, because men take themselves on this new journey assuming it is all good and that they are living out their fantasy’s, but what they do not understand is that they are slowly fading in deeper and deeper and slowly falling away from God and away from their families. It is a devastating journey that will not end well for anyone.

But as I stated above, men are tempted because the devil knows that if a man falls, the whole house will come crumbling down. The woman will not be able to trust him again, the kid’s lives will be changed forever, and no one benefits from it. But how do we avoid such a thing, how do we fight the devil on this one. I believe we as men need to give our hearts fully to God. We must fear God first before we fear what will happen to our relationships. We can not take them for granted, nor can we take God for granted.

Recently it was made public that Tiger Woods bedded many women while he was married. As I do not condone his actions, I do feel sorry for him, because if he would have had God in his heart, he may have thought twice about his actions, and may have realized that when we sin, eventually the truth all comes out. God doesn’t allow us to live in the closet forever, because when the truth is revealed, that is the only way for true healing.

Now should a man be truly forgiven for the sin he has committed, even though it has totally ruined his home. I believe so, because then what are we saying to those that fail, “Hey God may forgive you, but I can’t”. Then what we are telling God, “God please forgive me for my own transgressions, but I am sorry, I can not forgive those that have hurt me”. I think we all fit in this category, including myself, and forgiving those that have hurt us is so difficult, but if we do not, then we can not move on with God. We can not ask, take at the same time and not be willing to give. It is very easy, but hard to do.

The purpose of this blog entry is not to condone a man for the actions that he takes which will ruin his life and devastate others. The purpose of this entry is to bring understanding that we all make mistakes, that if we truly go to God and ask for his forgiveness, why must we still be judged by others. We can not live our lives by what the world says and views, we must live our lives by what God says and his rules and ways. I believe that if every man were to grasp that thinking, we would see less and less of the mistakes that men make and a more willingness to not take our family for granted and as well as God.

Remember this one thing, we all make mistakes and how we are judged for our mistakes will determine how we are able to live our lives. But one thing is certain, that without God in the forefront, we will continue to fall and the devil will continue to prosper.

Corinthians 10:13
Remember that the Temptations that come into your life are no different from what others experience, and God is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can’t stand up against it. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you will not give into it.

Being a Dad to a 4 Year Old Boy

This to me is the greatest gift that God can give any man, and that is to be a parent. There is nothing like it. What is true is that a 4 year old boy looks for a lot of attention, especially when he knows that he is about to share his time with a new baby. But I love it, even though at times when I am tired and just want to rest or sleep in late, it amazes me that at just 4 years old he knows the difference between not wanting to get out of bed on the weekdays to jumping up and down on the bed on Saturday and Sunday mornings, when all I want to do is sleep til at least 8:00 am. I guess he has a different clock in his mind than the rest of us.

Now next week we are looking forward to watching Christopher play in his first Soccer game. Yes, I know baseball is my first love, but I am smart enough to know my son and know that right now he wouldn't give the attention to baseball as he would need to be good at it or even enjoy it. That time will come, but with Soccer he can go out there and run around and kick the ball and just have lots and lots of fun. All the while me and Lina will be screaming for him to kick it into the net and score a goal, as we are recording this action, the camera shaking up and down and the picture, well we won't be able to see him in the video when we get home, because of the shaking, and him looking at us confused as to saying, "what are they talking about, what is a goal". Ahh the joys of parenthood.

One of the things that I love is in the morning when I get to take him to daycare, we have a local Christian station, Way FM, which he will tell you, "Daddy, can you please put on Way FM". Once the songs start, if I lower the music just a tad, I can hear him singing the songs. Oh I love it. It just makes my day.

Trusting and Waiting on God, Actually Means Trusting and Waiting on God

I always say to myself or to others, "Trust in God and He will Guide your Path", "Wait on him and his way will bring you many blessings". But how often do we truly do that? Do we truly Trust God with all we have? Do we truly wait on him to bless us or do we take matters into our own hands. I can say that I am guilty of both. I do trust God, but I also try and do it my way. I feel that maybe it is God leading me, but when the things don't turn out the way I plan, than I realize, was it really God or was I supposed to wait on him and allow him to do what he does best.

I think as a Christian, we believe that no matter what we face that God is on our side, well this is true, but we also have to realize that it can't be only what we want, we have to know that God will only bless us if he feels that it will truly bring us to our knees where we will honor him. I read a verse recently in the bible that talks about Trusting in God. And what it said was that God can only use us in our own weakness, then will his power shine through. Well I look at that as being human, we have so many weaknesses and if we are not following after God, that we fall to those weaknesses. But if we turn to him, then he will always give us a way out of the weakness and a way to be able to stand up against it. Without that, we will fall every single time.

Finding Time to Blog

Here I am nearly six months since I have written in my Blog. I have all these thoughts and feeling running in my mind and I wonder what to do with them. Then I remember, Hey I have a Blog that I can jot it all down. Maybe it will inspire others by what I have and continue to go through in my own life. Well I am glad that I have found the time to get back to one of my love's and that is jotting my thoughts down. And even if no one ever reads my Blog, which sometimes it seems that way, LOL, I know that I will be able to use it as a tool to reflect on when I am going through something. And I know it will help my kids to one day understand who their dad truly was and can maybe share it with their children and grandchildren.

Well off I go, ready to share all that has been going on the past year and if you are reading this now, I hope that no matter what, it somewhat inspires you in your own life.

Welcome back to my Blog - That was for myself. But welcome back all those that have read it before and have enjoyed it. I hope you will continue to read and enjoy it again. God Bless.

Biggies Words Ring True

This was an entry that I made before the President Obama was elected into office and I just read it again and wanted to share it again. I was just recently told by a friend that it would be great to repost this right before each election.

I met up with an old friend of mine recently and he was pulling out all of these Cd's with OLD SCHOOL HIP HOP written all over them. We popped a few in and it took me back, way back to the days of my youth. It was great to reminisce about how we used to hang. But he had this one CD is his case, that I had to have, "Ready to Die" by Biggie Smalls, my favorite CD when I was a younger. I must have heard that CD over 100 times, but as I sat in my car listening to the songs now, I asked myself, did I really LISTEN to the songs or did the words just breeze through my ears and the beat just mesmerize me.


I am sitting in my car now, playing all these tracks, and wondering, how did I ever get the songs to play in my house and my mother not beat me down. I mean, every other word is MF this and MF that. I mean, geeze, I can't even listen to it now without trying to remember when those parts are coming on so I can lower the volume. I might as well just turn it off, because their is no way to avoid it.


But as I try to truly listen to the words, I realize something, we as kids in the ghetto, looked at Biggie as, hey he made it, he got out of jail and made it. He sold the drugs, lived the illegal way, got caught and still became someone that kids looked up to. Someone right out of our backyard in Brooklyn, straight to stardom. And his words were something of excellence.

Well at that time, that is what I thought, but listening to this CD now, I only wonder if the kids that have listened to his words, did it hold them back from truly achieving their dreams. Did they look at the easy way out or think "hey if Biggie did it, so can I". I am sure many youth back in the day and possibly today, made that mistake and now they are paying for it.

I bring up this issue because as we are facing a new chapter in our politics, a new President to be elected, I only wonder which candidate will give much thought to all those youth in the ghetto that have to live a life the way Biggie rapped about. Biggie brought it real, he was an artist that painted the ghetto exactly as he saw it. I remember, the struggles my friends faced, but could it have been avoided, can it be fixed now. Which candidate today will be the one to come in and help out the youth in the ghetto. To give them a better future than looking up to people that did not live a legal life, and still made it to stardom, should they follow that path, or have opportunities like the youth in better neighborhoods. My question is real easy, who will stand up and say that things need to change, that a change is in order, that all youth in this country will have opportunities for a better life. We have heard enough about the oil, the health care, the war, the hatred, the radicals, Roe v. Wade, Gay Marriages, but how much have we heard the candidates speak about what they intend to do to help out the people that need it the most. You can't hold people's hands and walk them to their future, but you can give them a way out of no where.

I only used Biggie as an example because his words ring so true, but we need new words, ones that will propel the youth in the ghettos to greatness.

These words can no longer be the anthem in the ghetto:

"To all the teachers that told me, Id never amount to nothin, to all the people that lived above the Buildings that I was hustlin in front of that called the police on Me when I was just tryin to make some money to feed my daughters, And all the niggaz in the struggle"

We need to change this now, we need to give our youth a better future, better options, or we will continue to lose them to their environment. Who will stand up and take this under their wing??

A Great Man Has Moved On

On Saturday February 28, 2009, my grandfather, Alfonso Caban, went home to be with the Lord. As I am sitting here pondering how this is affecting me and my family, I can only think of all the years I had with him and all the memories that I will always share with him. He might not have been a perfect man, well who is, but he was a man's man. A strong man, that would do what needed to be done to make sure that all who came his way was treated with respect and honor. He was a man that was a WWII veteran, a hard worker, who did what was needed to put food on his table for his wife and 7 daughters. He stood tall by what he believed. He was a proud grandpa and an even prouder great grandpa. He loved his family and cherished his life with them. He will never be forgotten. As hard as it is to imagine him gone, I am grateful to have had the opportunity to be part of his life. Papi te quiero mucho, que dios lo bendiga.

Papi -RIP.

Daddy Gives Christopher a Bath.............

The Greatest Introduction Ever............

Memories of the Past.....

On Sunday marked the last Mets game that Shea Stadium will ever host. It didn't dawn on me at that moment as to the magnitude of this event. I watched all of the post-game with old Mets players being announced on the field and Piazza and Tom Seaver walking all the way to center field and leaving which signified the end.

As I sat there and watched this unfold, I started to think back to what this stadium truly meant to me. Yes, it was sad to think that the Mets will no longer call Shea home, and will move across the street to their new stadium, because it is actually out with the old, in with the new. So it made me feel old, cause I am not ready for the new. But what truly dawned on me was that this stadium, at the beginning of my school years up until High School, it was my safe haven.

You see, when my mom and dad divorced, it seemed as if life would never get back to normal. But my mom took it upon herself to make sure that we had a place to go together that would be our place. She would take Vanessa and I to games, this started since we were younger, but there was a bigger need here. It was a place that we could go to and not focus on what was going on in our lives, but maybe smile again. A place where we could just be ourselves again.

It didn't dawn on me while watching the end of the game unfold, that this stadium would no longer be around, that my place of refuge will never be standing there again. It just made me sad, because no matter what, it was the place where my mother decided we wouldn't be sad, we would be together and share those times together and enjoy ourselves. We had some great times back then, met a lot of players, Yes the Mets were bad, but it didn't matter, because we were having fun.

We tend to forget those places in our lives that made us feel new again. We tend to put them to the side, but at that moment on Sunday, I relived those years again in my thoughts and realized how much Shea Stadium truly meant to me after all these years. It is a place that I will never forget and a place that I am so grateful that it existed.

Cries of "MOMMMYYYYY" from the Distance.....

It is a normal evening, having already put Christopher to sleep in his own bed, finishing up my studies for the next day of class, trying to be in bed before 1 am, knowing full well that the alarm clock will go off in approximately 6 hours. Settling into my cozy bed, closing my eyes and wishing myself off to a fast sleep so that I can feel somewhat rested when the alarm clock scares me half to death. As I am in one of my numerous dreams, I hear this cry from the distance. It is somewhat faded, but gets louder and louder very fast. I think it is still part of my dreams, until I realize that the speaker that is directly next to my ear on my side of the bed is shaking from the rumble of the cries. Low and behold, it is Christopher with his routine, "Mommyyyyyy, Mommmyyyyy", "Daddddyyyy, where is Mommmyyyyy", "Mommmmyyy". But as fast as I can get up, which to tell you the truth, isn't fast at all, Lina is already on the other side of the speaker, calming down the screams and bringing him over to our bed again. Some nights are good, he may stay there longer, but most nights, that interrupted cry in the middle of the night is expected. I love it!!!!

I say I love it, because it reminds me, and I am sure my mom, Vanessa and Joe reading this will also be reminded of the many nights of that same scream tingling their ears......"Mommmmyyyyyy", coming from my mouth, all the way on the other side of the house on Pine Street, or that "woooosh" that they felt as I ran by Vanessa's room and possibly Joe coming out of the bathroom, on one of his many trips in the middle of the night, to my mother's floor, curled up and hoping they won't notice me until the day light enters the room.

Christopher at this point, isn't able to climb out of his bed, but I am sure the "wwooosh", that Vanessa and Joe felt, zorro will be feeling as Christopher learns that it is faster to just get up and run than it is to scream your lungs out and not sure if anyone will ever come.

It is amazing our history repeats itself. My little boy, just like his daddy.